I always thought I was a positive person – not given to negative thoughts.
Or, to complaining.
I’ve seen myself as one who conquers – not one who plays the part of the victim.
However, after listening to myself this morning I’m rethinking that opinion of myself.
The victor…the one who conquers does not complain. What’s there to complain about? I mean…really.
The victim…well…the victim complains.
I’ve heard myself complain A LOT in the past weeks – in the past days, and in the past few hours, in my own head (thankfully it did not spill out in words).
I’m shocked…totally blown away by the image of myself acting and reacting…as a victim.
Apparently I’m not the decisive, take charge person I thought I was.
And, my attitude is one of grumbling and not of gratitude.
Thanks, God. I mean…really…thanks.
I needed that insight into self.
So – what now? I see what is and am embarrassed and ashamed to realize that this must be the me that others see.
Wow. I need a plan – one that will change my victim mentality into an attitude of gratitude.
I guess the best thing is to continue on the path I began last week because apparently God is using it to craft some much needed changes in me.
I wish I could say that this epiphany came about because of fasting, prayer and attention to Scripture. But, I cannot honestly say it is so.
Yes, Pinterest. Visit me @ http://www.pinterest.com/suzanhutchinson and see for yourself just what it is God is using to break through my egotistic misconception of self. You might be surprised. I know I was – and am still shaking my head at God’s awesome ability to use ordinary things to bring about deep spiritual change (as well as deep appreciation for who God is and realization of who I am).
I’ll be honest with you – it’s scary to see myself as I do right now and know the changes that must take place because I don’t want to be this person anymore. The negative thoughts and words have to go. Complaining and whining are for victims – I choose to live above that even though it brings change to every facet of my life. My relationships, my work, my home, my words, my everything will see change as I embrace wholeheartedly the changes I now see must be made.
God, grant me the strength to live victoriously. Give me the power to overcome negativity. Remind me to bite off my complaints and take action to make needed changes. Help me to stand firm and not waver – it’s so much easier to complain and be negative than it is to step up and do the right thing. Give me boldness when I prefer the role of victim. Love through me – I know I will be abrasive and my words harsh as I break habits and establish new ones.
God’s word has the ability to convict and bring about change – even on Pinterest.
God’s word – a two edged sword – gets me going and coming, cutting out the lies I’ve told myself for years and exposing the truth I’ve kept hidden for so long.
Oh, God! Create in me a newness, a cleanness, an attitude of gratitude – and help me to ever remember the vision I received today of the real me.
Here I am – make me new.