A New Page

Some days I find a new, blank page intimidating.  Other days, I find it exhilarating.

This is not one of those exhilarating days.

I find myself staring blankly at the white page before me – my mind unable to slip into gear, my thoughts so far in the back of my mind that I can’t even think them.

A sip of coffee.

Ah….

Another sip.

I can feel brain waves stirring…synapses snapping…neurons firing….

Another sip.

Ideas form as pictures flit across my mind’s eye.

A deep, lingering sigh – then a yawn. My brain clears and I smile as I know what today’s post will be.

My day did not begin as I’d planned.  I like it quiet so I can write without interruption and without intruding noises and activity.  When I rose at my designated writing time, I found activity and noise.

That’s not supposed to happen.

Fresh from sleep, my still groggy mind insulated herself from the chaos and I felt my hackles rise as irritation tensed me.

I brought my laptop to life, clicked on “Add New Post” and sat staring blankly at the white page before me.

Instead of embracing the new page, my mind recoiled from it.  The starkness of it overwhelmed me.

How was I supposed to fill it when I couldn’t even write the first word?

(Page up to the beginning of this piece.  Read the first two sentences again.)

Some days  I find a new, blank day intimidating.  Other days I find it exhilarating.

I pull up my Google calendar and look at my day, already sectioned off in various colors and times – some standing alone and others overlapping 3 and 4 deep….

Not exactly a blank page, or a blank day.  No, I see my day’s activities planned out – where I will be and what I will be doing.

But what is not planned out is who I will be, how I will act/react, how my day will go, what my attitude will be. This part of today is still a blank page.

Or, was a blank page until I allowed my irritation and frustration to scribble nonsense on it and mess up my new, blank page called Today.

The wonderful thing about grace is that it allows me to rip out that messed up page and start over. I don’t have to continue on with that marked through scribble reminding me of my poor choice…my error…my decision to look at the negative and not the positive – okay, yes, my “sin”.  My sin doesn’t have to be ever before me, reminding me of my failures and shortcomings.

Grace.

If you aren’t familiar with the term grace, you can find a contemporary term at the top of your internet page, under the heading “Edit.”  It’s called “Undo.”  There’s also a key on your keyboard. Pressing it can allow you to extend grace to yourself (and to others, as well). Which key?  “Delete.”

A new page lies before me.  So does a new attitude and new direction.  It’s going to be a good day.  I know it is because I’m going to make it one.

What about you?  Show yourself a little grace. Rip out that old scribbled-out/marked-through page and start a new page.  And, be sure to extend grace, and a new page, to those around you.

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