Justifiable Homicide

So, here’s how it went down.

Our washer/dryer is in our garage.  I headed out the kitchen door, lugging a huge basket of dirty clothes.

Across the yard I struggled, unlocked the garage door, stepped up and over the threshold, then into the garage.

As the door swung open and my eyes watched the sunlight slide across the floor…I saw her.

She was poised, ready to flee.  Her eight legs were spread wide in a circle around her…ready to run in any direction.  I’m sure the brilliant light blinded her.

I stopped immediately, set down the clothes basket, grabbed one of Hubby’s work shoes on the floor near her and leaned in for a closer look.

She was huge – big bodied and long legged.  I’m sure her male counterpart found her sexy…before she ate him.  If she’d been resting a top a coin, it would have taken a half dollar piece to contain all of her.

At first I assumed she was a wolf spider – they can and do bite, but I don’t kill wolf spiders because I see them as “beneficial.”  However, upon closer inspection I saw a fiddle on her back.

With a WHACK and another WHACK for good measure I brought the size 12 shoe down upon her and snuffed her out right then and there.

And, when two of her legs dared twitch, I whacked her again, harder.

She lay in a mangled mess on the garage floor and to hide my deed I pulled the lawn mower over to cover her.

I have a rule at my house and that rule says “If you are a Brown Recluse Spider, and I see you and can get to you…you will die.”

Before I opened the door and allowed light to cross her path, she was in darkness.  Probably thought it was night and she felt free to roam about in search of a meal…or a mate.

But I squashed her plans.  Squished them, too.

The problem is…a spider that size probably has several generations of babies…in my garage, among my boxes and junk.

I doubt there’s a court in the land that would find me guilty of harboring ill will and murderous thoughts against this spider and her brood.

And, I’m sure it would be considered justifiable homicide when I explained, “Your Honor, it was a home invasion.  She entered with malice and forethought, with intent to do me or my loved ones harm. It was either her or me.”

Where’s my can of spider spray??  Oh, yeah…it’s out in the garage.


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