Tis the season – Corn Candy season that is.
Mom likes the “witch’s teeth” variety (orange and chocolate) and I prefer the traditional (white, yellow, orange).
I can (and do) eat it until I’m sick of it. I’ll take them individually (as in one right after the other) or by the handful (yes, all at one time).
If I never give in and eat the first piece of Corn Candy, I don’t have a problem. Sure, I want it but I don’t CRAVE it.
But, if I eat one piece, I want another. And, another leads to several and before I know it I’m on high fructose corn syrup overload.
High fructose corn syrup (or corn anything) is a major no-no for me.
For the past few weeks I’ve been nibbling (more like noshing) Corn Candy when I’d visit Mom.
I visit Mom every day.
Four days ago I woke with something I never wake with – pain. My finger joints were swollen and sore. I noticed my shoulders, knees and ankles were as well. And, I felt TIRED…exhausted.
And, every morning since I’ve awakened to the same symptoms and each day they are more intense and involve more joints.
At the first twinge, I knew what was wrong. And, I knew what to do about it. But, didn’t. I also knew that if I did something immediately within 2 months I would be nearly pain free and by early spring would be back to normal without pain.
That “something” required me to stop eating Corn Candy…any candy. It required me to stop cold turkey. When your body and mind (and mouth) crave something it’s really hard to say no to those cravings. Eating less is not an option. That satisfies nothing and only makes the cravings stronger.
The only way was for me to totally and fully give up Corn Candy. And, in doing so, give up all other sugar apart from that which is natural (aka an apple, orange, grapes, etc).
Yesterday, I visited Mom. The candy dishes were scattered about – all full and all displaying their sensory offerings. They were pleasant to my sight (colorful and interesting shapes), their aroma was tantalizing…. I knew what they would taste like.
My mind said “just one.” My body whispered “one handful.”
Instead of reaching for one, I replayed my last experience…last taste of Corn Candy – how it felt in my mouth, how quickly it began to dissolve and how the flavor intensified when I chewed it. And, I lingered on how quickly I’d desired another.
“Just one” wasn’t an option. My joints needed NONE.
This morning, as I type this, I watch my stiff and sore fingers tap away at the keyboard of my laptop and I’m sorry for what I allowed my desires to do to them and the rest of my body.
I can’t undo what I did. The effect will linger for several months. The bad thing is – things will get worse before getting better.
Why did I do what I KNEW would hurt me? Apparently I believed a little wouldn’t hurt. And, when a little didn’t immediately cause problems, I failed to take heed to that little voice in the back of my mind that warned me, “You’ll be sorry.”
I am sorry. Deeply sorry and chagrined that I was foolish enough to allow myself to give in to Corn Candy.
The fact that “corn” is a part of its name should be enough to cause me to run the other way. But, no…I ran to it. I embraced it. And, I ingested it. I welcomed into my body something that I KNOW is poison to me.
Why would I do such a thing?
I did it because I wanted it and assumed I was immune to the effects of it. I was stronger than it was. I was in control – of my desires and my body (and of the effects of the candy). I deserved it.
I could go on and on with the ways I rationalized partaking in what I knew was not good for me.
Truth is, I was foolish. Old enough to know better. Experienced enough to do better. I chose poorly. I lied to myself. And, I believed my lies. Yeah, I was foolish.
I gave control of my will and the future well being of my body to a bag of Corn Candy. And, I now suffer the consequences.
What about you? What’s your Corn Candy?