30 Days Absent

One month has passed since I last posted here.

30 days with nothing shared – no inward thoughts, no outward voice….

I was shocked when I signed in this morning and noted the date of my last post.

Life has been busy and my mind occupied with living it.  But, still…there was a time when I posted daily.  Suzansays served as a catharsis, I suppose.  Perhaps it’s one I no longer need.

Perhaps.

But, if that’s the case, why do I feel myself relax and open up as words begin to flow and my typing increases its pace?

And, why do I suddenly feel exposed…vulnerable…?  I’ve shared much over the years through writing.  Why do I now seek to draw the shades and pull privacy around me like a protective blanket?

Growth often takes place in dark places. You plant a seed where? Under ground. You don’t see it again until two things have happened. 1) a root system has formed and pushed its way downward to nourish and establish, and 2) it breaks through the earth mature enough to endure and be energized by the sun’s glare.

Bear with me now – my mind is piecing together this puzzle and I’m simply typing as my mind unravels the mystery of why I’ve been silent and absent for so long.

I’m growing. Changing. Becoming.

I wasn’t even aware of the depth of the change that’s taking place within me until I sat here to type in the quiet opportunity that this Saturday morning provided me.

Oh, I know – that’s something we all do in some form or fashion.  But, this is a radical makeover. And, it’s not something I instigated. Outside forces initiated various changes within me.  And, as those life forces pressed in – some things within me began to change.

(I’ve sat still and silent for 7 minutes now, unsure what words to type next – my mind a whirl of thoughts….)

Pressure has a way of affecting change.

Here’s a simple experiment to explain what I mean.

Take a Ziploc bag and fill it halfway with water.  Remove the air from it. Place it in the freezer – on a flat surface with nothing touching it. Take another Ziploc bag and repeat, just like you did with the first.  Toss it into the freezer then place upon it and around it whatever is handy.  Leave both for 6 hours.

When you return to the freezer and carefully remove the Ziploc bags – what will you find?

The one bag that felt only the pressure of its own weight and no confines apart from its own will conform to its own boundaries.  The bag that was tossed into the freezer and had the pressure of the weight of other things bear upon it is far more interesting and unique than the bag that felt none apart from its own.  It holds the same amount of water, but the pressure experienced by it redirected the flow into various directions and shapes.  It embraced that which bore down upon it and flowed as it was able.

The way I see it, we have two choices.

  1. We can insulate ourselves and resist the pressure of anything that might press in on us.  (resist change by confining ourselves to and conforming to boundaries we place on ourselves)
  2. We can go with the flow and use that which presses in on us as an avenue of growth. (accept change and allow the pressure to redirect us)

 

(Just FYI – this post took 84 minutes to write. That’s over an hour out of the 24 allotted me today. The pressure of time constraints indicates this post is finished and I need to flow on to other things.)

 

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