What will I make of it?

Today.

I have a choice.

I can lean hard into the possibilities that this day presents and work as opportunity allows.

Or, I can sit back, take it easy, rest body and mind, put things off until another day and hope for the best.

In truth, my mind and body need recovery time.  There was much emotional/mental and physical hardship that occurred while away from home.  For 14 days there was a constant demand for output and little opportunity to regroup, to rest…to recover.

Sleep is what my body and mind crave.  But, after sleeping 8 hours I wake exhausted. My body halts between bedroom door and hallway, uncertain whether to move forward or fall back. My mind feels like lukewarm gray mush that struggles to remember what’s said and what I intend to do next.

Hubby struggles as well. His grief compounds and accents his mental and physical fatigue.

The mind must heal and the body must recover if life is to be forward facing and energies focused on what’s next.

Forward facing with focus on what comes next is imperative. There are still hard decisions to be made and much work to be done to close out what was and open doors to the possibilities that lie ahead.

Possibilities.

I have a choice.

Opportunity.

I have today.

What will I make of it?

Will I listen to my body and mind? They beg to shut down and rest.

No.  I will take both outside into the sunlight and I will take the garden fork in hand and work the soil…breaking it up…turning it over…opening the door to possibilities….

All winter I’ve looked forward to the day when the weather would permit me to begin work on the garden I’ll have in my own backyard. Cardboard has covered half the yard for many months now and most of the grass beneath it has died.

Today. I will embrace it…all of it.  And, I will work my body until she aches and can do no more.  And, as my body works my mind can rest and take time to regroup and recover.

Today abounds in possibilities and opportunities.

What will you make of it?

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Knowing My Limit

After an extremely long and hard day of yard work at Mom’s house, I sat my dirty, sweaty self on the swing on her patio.  Mom had overseen the last hour of my work and was ready for a little chat time before I heading up the hill toward home and Hubby.

She said several things.

  • The yard looks nice.
  • You are just like your daddy.
  • Now all we need is a little rain.
  • Did you put away the hoe?
  • I believe you got more work done today that your dad ever did in one day.
  • Your dad had more sense and knew when to quit!

I should have seen it coming.

But, I didn’t.

My body was exhausted and my mind was tired – and in some ways my day was just beginning. When I left her house and arrived at mine, Hubby and I would walk for an hour, then I would cook a late dinner and work on whatever had come into my work email since I’d last checked it that morning before heading to her house.

I had no control over what was said to me, but I did have control over my reaction.

Mom had worried all day that I would over do out in the bright sunshine, 90+ degree weather and extremely high humidity.  It was hot.  Sweat literally ran from me, dripping off my eyebrows and chin, running down my legs and leaving trails in the dust that covered me.  Dehydration was a concern and so was heat exhaustion.

She had lost my dad a year ago…and here I was out working in the sun like a crazy woman. She worried that she would find me passed out in the yard.

I understood her concern.

  • She cared for me.
  • She was concerned for me and my health – and for herself as well.
  • She was frightened by what could happen to me.
  • She was not experienced in working in that type heat.
  • She was not physically capable of doing the work.
  • She was relieved I was finished and okay.
  • She wanted to warn me to take care of myself.

I assured her that I had remained hydrated and had rested in the shade.  I also told her that I knew my limits and though I had pushed them, I’d not overstepped them.

Her response?

“Yeah, your limit is when you drop.”

She had a point.

When I arrived at Mom’s house, I had a to-do list of all that I intended to accomplish before leaving.  And, I worked single-mindedly, with that goal in mind.

I do tend to go at things “like a house a’ fire” and work until I’m about to drop. Then, I rest for 5 minutes and go again.

That’s the only way I know to get it all done.  It’s what Dad taught – by example.

I reminded Mom that she had spoken those same words to Dad in summers past.

Her reply?

“Yeah, and you see where he is now!”

Okay, point taken.